Life after cancer: Getting back to “normal” after treatment

Friendships on the outside

Most friends are bound to find it difficult to get what you’ve been through. They’re probably just glad to have you back and are excited to be ‘normal’ with you again. They don’t see that things have changed, and it’s just not that easy. That’s not to say you’re going to be a total party pooper. But there’s definitely pressure there to be the old, fun you when actually, you might feel like you’re not the same person as you were before your diagnosis.

You might feel disconnected from your friends. Missing out on stuff and feeling ‘out of the loop’ when you’re having treatment is frankly pants, and it might feel like everyone else has moved on. Plus, it’s not easy talking about it when you feel everyone just wants you to ‘get over it’.  

Show them this page for a start. It will help them get a better idea of the varied and complex issues that people your age go through after finishing cancer treatment. They can never really understand in the same way as someone who’s been through it can. But if you open up to them about how you feel – and especially what you need – then if they’re a true mate, they will listen and take what you have to say on board.  

Finding your identity again

Do you still feel like the same person you were before diagnosis? Cancer doesn’t have to define you, but it might have changed you – or have made you see things differently. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Going through hard times can give you strength you didn’t know you had. It can give you a unique perspective. But once you’re out of treatment, it’s normal to feel a bit lost. You’ve gone from the role of ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’ – but what does being a survivor mean? You might not identify with this term at all. It’s easy to allow cancer to become a big part of your identity – especially if you’re faced with the daily after-effects or the physical and emotional scars of treatment.

Take a step back. You need to find out what simply being you means now.  

It might take a while to find your feet again but this will happen as you get back into different aspects of your life. Remember all the other things that you are – a student, a colleague, a blogger, a writer, an athlete, a musician, a dreamer, an explorer – you are so much more than just a survivor. You don’t need to ‘move on’ from cancer. Just be mindful of your experience, and don’t give it more attention than it deserves. Cancer isn’t you: it was just part of the process of discovering who you are. 

Changing plans

Cancer pulled the rug from beneath your feet at a pivotal point in your life. This is when you were supposed to be figuring stuff out. If you’re feeling pressure to return to the same job or course as before, what do you do? You might have a new perspective on life that just doesn’t fit in with what you were doing before. Or you might feel you missed out on time where you could have been discovering what you want.  

You might feel a renewed sense of passion and purpose in life now, and have a clear vision of what you now want to accomplish. Or you might feel dissatisfied with going back to things as they were but can’t really put your finger on why. Use this as an opportunity to explore your options. Take some time, if you can, to think about what you would find fulfilling – this could be starting something new, or stopping something old. Talk it through with the important people in your life. You could also have a look at the National Careers Service to find out more or get inspiration.

Getting back into work or education

Time away from work or education can make things tricky (like it needs to be any harder). You might have gaps on your CV or be expected to restart your course where you left off. Tiredness and other physical effects could mean working full time isn’t an option, or that studying needs to take a back seat. This might all leave you feeling frustrated and that you can’t move forward in the way you want.  

First thing to do is know your rights. Not employing someone because of their illness or making reasonable adjustments to help them study are forms of discrimination. You can share our guides with prospective employers, or educational establishments to give them a better understanding of what their responsibility is to you.

For advice and support, Access to Work is a government programme designed to support people with health conditions or disabilities to get back into work. Or speak to your place of education – they are likely to have a support service that can offer advice, or look at UCAS for more guidance.

The physical effects of treatment

Managing ongoing effects such as fatigue, disability or fertility issues can be a massive challenge, both physically and emotionally. You might have to overcome more obstacles in your life because of these, whether that’s to do with work, education or relationships. 

Educate people about your needs. Let them know that there are barriers to you doing certain things. Giving people an understanding will help make life a little easier for you – whether that’s an employer making a reasonable adjustment to make work more doable, or confiding in a friend that you’re too knackered to go to that thing. It will help them give you the practical or emotional support you need. Our guides for the people in your life are designed to give a snapshot into cancer, so make sure you share them. 

Dealing with everything you’ve been through

After treatment, the sheer emotional weight of what you’ve been through could start to hit home. It’s normal to reflect on the enormity of what you’ve been through but it can be emotionally draining when all those feelings start to catch up with you. The loss of friends and ‘survivor guilt’ can be particularly difficult to get your head around.  

It can be daunting to seek help, but if what you’ve been through does begin to catch up with you, remember that it’s normal to feel this way and you don’t have to go through it alone.  Get support  to help you come to terms with these feelings. 

Scanxiety and fear of relapse

Cancer doesn’t just stop. You’ll need to have follow-up appointments, with scans and tests to check that your body is working as it should be. But this can bring it all back – the stress and anxiety. How do you get on with things if you’re constantly on stand-by?  

Make sure you schedule your appointment for whenever works for you. Pick a busy day if you like to have distractions, or a quiet day if you need time and space to mentally prepare. There are also calming techniques to make use of – whether it’s a mindfulness app or just remembering to take deep breaths. Maybe a friend or relative could come with you to remind you? Having someone there to support you through it could make all the difference. And make sure you plan a treat afterwards!  

If scanxiety is causing you a lot of worry and stress, speak to your healthcare team to see how they can help.